FAMILY LAW... & MORE

Shaping a child’s divorce story may create healthier adults

| Jan 27, 2020 | Divorce |

It’s a fact that children are often the ones who are most affected when their parents’ marriages end. The way New Jersey parents react to their own divorce situations may actually affect how children view the situation, according to experts and it can either be on a more positive level or more negative. The story children tell about their parents’ divorces can affect them for the rest of their lives.

Psychologists say there are three factors that play into a child’s divorce story. Since children believe what their parents tell them, it’s essential to make sure what kids are told about the divorce (and what each parent says about the other) does not paint an overly negative picture. Children also remember what they see, so seeing parents doing their best to divorce amicably is crucial. Perhaps the heaviest issues that weigh on children are external issues or the underlying things that might have contributed to a divorce like infidelity, abuse, addiction or mental illness. 

Parents have to realize that the messages they give their children are deeply internalized by them. Each parent must work diligently not to denigrate the other in front of their children, psychologists say. Parents want what’s best for their kids, so giving them a healthier outlook on their divorces may make it less likely that their children will build resilience and won’t carry with them a negative divorce story into their adult lives.

The more separating New Jersey couples know about divorce, the better they may be able to move through the process in an amicable way. Speaking with a lawyer independently about the legalities may take some of the fear and angst out of divorce. Parents who are less stressed out about their divorces are more apt to help their children deal positively with what is happening.